Poo talk (*SFW*)

May 6th, 2019
26 days remaining
Thailand, Isan, Udornthani Ward 

samuel.montague@myldsmail.net


what a week this has been

First off, we had zone conference. President came up  a little bit early and he loves going and teaching with us. He was a little more specific in who he wanted to visit this time, but it can sometimes be a little difficult to plan

With Pres Hammond

when President Hammond comes, because the schedule always gets wonky. There are always surprise meetings and phone calls and he takes a hot second when meeting with people. But he truly is a great example in teaching and it is a privilege to learn so close to him.

Zone conference was pretty good. Last transfer's was a downpour of doctrine, this time was a more typical instructional set of trainings. Included is a list of gathered quotes. I was entertained.

I gave my testimony, it being my final zone conference. :( sad as realizing my time here is coming to an end.

We had a super fun sunday dinner with missionaries and YSA. I am so blessed to work in such an amazing area.

I gave haircuts for service. That was a fun test of skill (that I didn't really have to begin with). My first person wanted it short, so I gave him a fade with the razor buzz thing. My second guy wanted it longer, so I essentially free-handed his whole head with scissors. wild

We went to a busy weekend market called walking street and invited everyone to come to English. For those that watched my facebook story, there were a group of people doing various Kpop dances, the music was popping, and President Hammond (who also went) told me to give it more. So we basically beat them at a dance battle. idk, y'all saw the video, you can be the judge.

We went to a mountain/plateau type thing called ภูทอก (Phuu Thork, pronounced 'poo talk'). It was a beautiful hike on some steep and sketchy wooden boards. Stay tuned for photos.

Quotes from ZC:

*Sister Anitema executes the sharpest cut off on the piano, perfectly in sync with chorister Elder Montague's cut off of the opening hymn*
*immediate eye contact with a knowing look exchanged*

"When people don't understand the sacrament, it is just a weird snack." - Sis Fluckiger

"When people come into sacrament, look around, and ask, 'who died?' we can respond 'Christ did'." - Sis Fluckiger

"Sister Graham, what do you think." - E Thornock
*3 rows of 8 elders swing around to look at a sister in the middle of the row*
(Elder Montague quietly sings Circus by Brittany Spears)


*telling us to talk something over with our companion*
"Take until the minute hand reaches the eight (one minute), I know that....." -E Thornock
*continues talking for all but 20 seconds*

*talking about Joshua, a missionary we have both served with*
"... he was sitting there with a sad face." -Sis Anitema
"Most people have RBF. He just happens to have RDF (resting depressive face)." -E Montague

*in a roleplay*
"Do you sin?" - E Greenwood
"Yes." - E Larson
"How do you feel when you sin?" -EG
"Ehh, I feel bad. Not so good." -EL
"What do you do, what can you do to feel better?" -EG
"Drink beer." -EL
"No, you're supposed to say do good." -E Montague

"Everyone turn around and tell your neighbors something you learned." -Pres Hammond
"Talk to me." -E Montague
"You're so demanding." -Sis Graham

*Elder goes off speaking a little bit confusingly*
"Not sure I quite understand that, but...." -Pres Hammond

*prayer ends*
*President Hammond starts speaking *
*Sister Anitema cuts him off with postlude music*

"At first I thought he was a nice guy, but he's really just an Australian." -Sis Anitema

"Where are you from in the Philippines?" -Sis Anitema
"He's from Bakla, Manilla." -E Montague
*gasps and head swivels from the 2 other Filipinos*

"Excuse me. I have something to share." -Sis Htoo

"We talked to this guy, and he said that Utah was his favorite state in the US." -E Borg
"แน่ใจบ่" - S Anitema
"He clearly hasn't been anywhere else." -E Larson
"Really?" -E Montague

"Make sure to act like you're interested. Wait..." -E Davis

"Go for it. Tell us a simple quick joke, Elder Greenwood." -Pres Hammond
*whispers* "My life." -E Montague

*joke in thai*
"Which College (คณะ/khana) tastes the best? Kale (คะน้า/khanaa)." -E Davis

"Cracked pot? More like Crack head." -E Larson

*4 people of various ethnicities go up to be recognized for their birthdays*
"What a diverse group."- E Montague

*we are done singing the song and an awkward silence ensues...*
*Sister anitema claps silently... alone... looks around... smiles... no one claps...*

"It's not our baptism. Not our convert. Not our .... *looks at zone leaders* zone conference." -Pres Hammond
*Elder Brown twitches*

*Elder Thornock starts sharing a thought during President Hammond's training*
*President tries to start talking again*
*Elder Thornock keeps talking*
*Repeat several times*

"He loves us."- Sis Anitema
"I wish." -E Montague

*President tells us to share our resources with each other*
"I HAVE A PICTURE OF HEAVENLY FATHER."-E Montague
"How'd you get that?"-Sis Anitema
"GoPro." -E Larson
*Elder Coomes shows a video in "Thai" that is an Inspiration Church Video in English, but dubbed in Tongan*

*in the middle of talking*
"...my hands are so small..." -E Montague
*finishing talking*
"... keeps our lessons small and bite sized." -EM
"Just like your hands."-Sis Anitema

*Everyone is highly invested in the quotes Elder Montague is collecting and freaks out when something they said makes the list*
"I feel like this quote list is like that popularity list from Ned's Declassified School survival guide."

*talking about what we have learned about Jesus*
"... I've been told throughout my mission that I am bold. Sometimes too bold. Jesus was super bold and no one told Him to calm down."- E Montague

*talking in discussion about Jesus. Sister Anitema is writing everything down*
"I feel like your secretary." -Sis Anitema

"We will move into final testimonies and special musical number." - Pres Hammond
*3 out of the 4 final testimonies sprint to the bathroom, who are also doing the special musical number*

Elder Montague
เอ็ลเดอร์ มอนทากิว
Thailand Bangkok Mission

My new suit with flair!